Are you hard on yourself? Do you have a tendency to blame yourself when things don't turn out the way you'd like them to? Are you comparing yourself with others, and labeling yourself as less than they are? Is it challenging for you to show yourself compassion? Tough to be gentle with yourself? Here's a formula that will help.
Recently, I was speaking with a colleague. She told me about her recent achievents. She'd written her examination the week before. Fulfilled her study client coaching hours requirement. Given her mandatory introductory talk. Had 14 people attend her first book group. Created an amazing website. Started recording video clips. Taken an intensive public speaking course. Travelled to Bali to participate in a workshop.
Was I happy for her? Definitely. Was I also, perhaps, at least a teensy bit jealous? Yes. I'd been working tirelessly in the same program, yet without the same results. What was the matter with me? Was I lacking focus? Ability? Knowledge? Fear of not being good enough was trying to take hold. I knew I wanted to shift myself to freedom-based thinking
After applying the formula below, I felt that shift. I gave myself permission to feel my feelings. And to move on. To reevaluate. To stop comparing myself, and to acknowledge myself. To be compassionate. To have empathy for myself.
Here's how I did it, and how you can do it too. I call it the AWARE formula. Here's how to become AWARE:
1. Allow yourself permission to process your feelings.
It helps to say, "I feel ________, and that's ok." Fill in the blank with the feeling that is coming up for you. Give yourself permission to feel. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. Take time to process the feelings you are having. Don't discount them, or try to push them aside. They are real for you in the moment, and they are ok.
2. Wake up to your judgements.
What judgements do you have? About the situation? About the outcome? About other people? About yourself? Preconceived notions color our ability to see others, and ourselves, as innocent. Think about how things might appear differently if you were impartial. Don't get caught up in expectations about yourself, or about the outcome. You are innocent. You. Are. Enough.
3. Assess your needs.
What are your needs in this moment? In everything we do, we are trying to get our needs met. We all have one core need that, when met, allows us to feel whole. Visualize your core need as the base of a funnel. What needs must be met in the moment to satisfy that core need? Consider how you can get those needs met with compassion and gentleness. (Unsure of your core need? Contact me for help figuring it out).
4. Reiterate your intention.
What are you committed to? How will you care for yourself as you work toward that commitment? Remember to express gratitude for the ways in which the universe is supporting you. Remember to acknowledge yourself for what you have accomplished. Each action. Each insight. Each and every thought geared toward your intention is worthy of acknowledgement.
5. Examine support options
Would asking something of someone else help you meet your needs, and move you toward your intention? Consider whether a support buddy might help keep you on track. A cheerleader. An assistant. An accountability partner. Being fearless means being vulnerable: ask for support, and you'll find that most people want to help. In their innocence, they may not know how. They're waiting for you to guide them. Allow others to support you, and you are helping them to feel wanted and needed.
Above all, be gentle with yourself as you work through this process. It might be messy, and that's ok. It doesn't need to be perfect. Give yourself permission to be the unique individual that you are. Feel the shift? You've got this!
Question: How has becoming AWARE allowed you to have more compassion for yourself?
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