How the Wheel of Fear Works

In her book, Fearless Living, bestselling author, Rhonda Britten, describes the workings of both fear and freedom using the analogy of wheels.  The wheel of fear turns "righty tighty". The wheel of freedom turns "lefty loosey". What does that mean, and how do the wheels work together to run your life?  Let's look at the workings of the wheel of fear today.

My fictional client, Bob, describes what it's like to be on his Wheel of Fear: the first thing I notice is the way I am acting, he says.  I snap at people.  I feel irritated.  I know something doesn't feel right, yet I'm not sure what it is.  I chalk it up to the people around me.  Don't they know how they should be acting?  What they should be saying and doing?  The situation grows more tense.  The hairs on the back of my neck begin to stand up.  Those incompetents!  Finally, I can't stand it anymore.  Something has to give.  

Another fictional client, Mary, tells how she turns inward when on her Wheel of Fear.  I notice that I'm avoiding people, she notes. I beat myself up.  Call myself stupid. Lazy.  Convince myself that no one likes me.  Didn't I see Sally looking at me sideways the other day?  Didn't I hear her whispering to Jenny. And the whispering stopped when I entered the room.  I'm sure they were talking about me.  My heart beats faster.  I feel worse.  I lock myself in the bedroom with a huge bottle of Pepsi and a giant bag of cookies, and spend the day in bed.

What does the Wheel of Fear look like and how does it work?  It has four components that, when working together, begin to act as a hamster running on a wheel in its cage.  Or, as one client put it recently, as a snowball.  It gathers momentum and gets bigger and bigger.

Component 1. The Trigger

The trigger is the thought that puts the wheel of fear in motion. It's your core fear: the thing you can't have anyone bear to think about you, and can't bear to think about yourself.  It's the one word that leads you to the feeling that you're not good enough.  Your trigger stays hidden.  Often, it's not what you think it is.  

Component 2. Fear Responses

Fear responses are reactions.  They are the things you do to avoid experiencing your trigger.  Since your trigger does its utmost to stay hidden, fear responses are usually the first clues that you are triggered. They may be things you do that you consider negative.  They may also be things other people praise you for.  After all, most people love a workaholic.  Or a people pleaser.  Ironically, fear responses lead to...

Component 3.  Core Negative Feeling

This is the feeling that shows up when your fear responses don't work. The feeling that has haunted you throughout your life.  The worst-feeling-in-the-world feeling.  The feeling that you are not good enough.  When you're feeling your core negative feeling, the wheel of fear leads you to....

Component 4. Self-Destructive Behaviors

At this point, all you want to do is escape.  Numb yourself. Stop feeling that core negative feeling.  Self-destructive behaviors allow you to do just that.  Consciously or unconsciously.  Often times, they may be fear responses on steroids.  Ironically, self-destructive behaviors seem to confirm to us that our trigger is true. Thus, the cycle starts again, and "righty-tighty" squeezes more and more as the wheel goes round and round.

Putting it all Together

It's tough to recognize your trigger. It does everything it can to stay hidden.  Fear responses are usually what you notice first.  They are often what you consider to be your real problem(s).  Overeating. Smoking. Drinking. Among others. Fictional client Bob's fear responses include irritation, snapping at others, and making judgements. Mary's include beating herself up and isolating herself. 

Recognition is a great start.  You know you're on your Wherl of Fear.  Yet, how do you stop it from spinning and get off?  Enter the Wheel of Freedom.  We'll talk about the Wheel of Freddom next week.  Stay tuned.

Would you like to discover your wheel of fear?  Your trigger may not be what you think it is!  I can help :). Contact me via the sidebar on this blog, or email me directly at fearlesscoachmarla@gmail.com for your own personalized Wheels assessment.  You'll be on your way to moving from righty-tighty to lefty-loosey. Stop the snowball.  Get off the hamster wheel.  Contact me today.

Question: what is one thing that might change for you if you knew your Wheel of Fear?