How about if I told you that when you say no, you are really saying yes. Would you believe me? What are you saying yes to? Yes to you. Yes to what is important to you. Yes to what makes you tick. Yes to what is meaningful. Yes to your needs, wants and desires. How can that be? And how can saying yes to you make saying no easier? Confused? Read on...
While I was undergoing the intensive training program to become a Certified Fearless Living Coach, I received an unexpected phone call. The caller, a friend I knew well and admired, was very excited. She told me she had nominated me to be a model in an upcoming fashion show. Now, this show is a charity event, held once a year, and is, for many in this area, the go-to event of the season. It's always sold out. Being asked to be a model is a huge deal.
My friend went on to tell me that she'd thought of me immediately as the perfect modeling candidate. She reminded me of the weight I'd lost over the previous year. She gave me many compliments. I was flattered. I felt special. I'd be instrumental in the biggest moneymaker of the year to help schoolchildren who might otherwise be denied an education. Over the next few months, I'd attend clothing fittings and rehearsals, culminating on show day. The committee's decision to choose me as a model was unanimous.
I was flattered. "Me? Model material at over 50 years old? Able to help children get an education? Unanimously selected? Wow," were thoughts that raced through my head as my friend kept talking. She said she knew I'd agree, since education was my passion. That's why she'd recommended me. When I asked if I might have some time to think it over before committing, I was met with silence. Then......she supposed I could have a couple of days to decide. She couldn't understand why, though. After all, it was a huge honor to be chosen. I knew, however, that I owed myself the opportunity to weigh the decision carefully before committing. A hasty decision is oftentimes made in fear, leading to beating myself up. I told her I'd get back to her before two days had passed.
After our call, I thought about my commitments, needs, and what was most important to me. I was committed to study time with my fellow program candidates. I was committed to being available for appointments with my study clients. I was committed to nurturing my family throughout my process. By saying yes to being a model, I'd be saying no to some of those hours of study time for my certification process. I'd be saying no to some appointment times. I'd be saying no to using some of my free hours to do things with my family. On the other hand, saying no to the modeling offer, I'd be acting on my commitments. I'd be saying yes to being available to my family, my fellow students, and my clients.
Fear, being the trickster that it is, invaded my thoughts. It said, "what will your friend think of you if you say no? What will the committee think? You'll never be asked again: this is a one-time only chance. Don't you want to help the children?" I took a deep breath (one of my proactive behaviors). What would freedom do? Freedom reminded me of my commitments. Freedom reminded me that I supported the educational program in other ways. Freedom asked me to trust my instincts. If I were saying yes to me; my needs and my priorities, how would I respond to the request?
At this point, it was obvious. By saying yes to me, I'd be saying yes to supporting the charity by buying a ticket to the event. I'd be saying yes to buying a ticket for a friend who'd helped me out. I'd be saying yes to donating clothing that would be sold at the event. I'd be saying yes to my commitments to be available to my family, my clients, and my fellow program candidates. Saying yes to me felt right. Less stressful, even.
And so, I called my friend and declined the opportunity. She was disappointed. She and the committee asked someone else to fill the spot. And the show went on without a hitch. With me and my guest in the audience. Relaxed and content with my decision. Feeling that I had acted with integrity.
When you are faced with a Yes/No decision, asking yourself what you are really saying helps focus. By saying no, what are you really saying yes to? Which choice allows you to say yes to your commitments? Your needs? Your intentions? What is Fear telling you? What would Freedom say?
Decide what you want to say yes to. Then remind yourself that saying no to one option is saying yes to the other.
Question: Think of a time where you said no. What were you saying yes to?
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