So you've decided that you want to approach the world from a place of freedom, not fear. Great! You've determined your Wheels of Fear and Freedom. Wow! You've set intentions. Super great! How do you motivate yourself to act on those intentions from a place of freedom? Or, perhaps even more importantly, what do you do when Fear starts whispering to you? When you can feel fear's grip? When you're in your Fear stuff, and all your freedom based thoughts and actions desert you? Enter proactive behaviors.
Recently, the time was approaching for me to renew my driver's license. I kept putting it off. I had all kind of excuses. I knew it was going to take ages. I knew my license was in such poor condition they'd give me a hard time about it. I was overdue for an appointment with my optometrist, so I knew I was going to fail the eye test. The office had moved to a new location, and I knew I'd get lost.
Fear was having such a fun time keeping me safe! Fear had almost convinced me that I couldn't go for the renewal unless I brought someone else with me to drive me home. Problem was, no one wanted to go with me. Perhaps I'd allow my license to lapse. I don't like driving that much anyway. And, if I didn't drive, I wouldn't have to play chauffeur when I went out with my friends. I wouldn't have to be designated driver, either.
Wait a minute! No driver's license? Really? I'd lose the ability to come and go at will. I'd be dependent upon others whenever I needed something, or wanted to go somewhere. What was I thinking? Then it dawned on me. That trickster, fear, was at work. Realistically, going to renew my license was merely a stretch: something I was capable of doing that I hadn't done yet. Hmmmmm...how would I get myself out of fear's clutches and onto my wheel of freedom? Ah yes, proactive behaviors.
Proactive behaviors are small actions you take to shift your thinking. They serve as a reminder of what is important to you. Of who you really are. Of your commitments to yourself. They remind you of your essential nature, that part of yourself that starts your wheel of freedom in motion. Proactive behaviors serve as the gentle reminder to say "no, thanks" to fear and "yes, please" to freedom.
What are some actions that will remind you to focus on that shift? There are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of proactive behaviors out there. It's up to you to decide what you will use. Here are some ideas that have worked for others, including some of my own:
- Take a deep breath
- (Re)Apply lipstick
- Shift your gaze to looking up
- Move a watch, ring or bracelet from one hand to the other
- Say a word that inspires you
- Look at a photo that represents freedom to you
- Touch an object that moves you
One of my clients has a collection of carefully chosen shoes. Each pair was selected with great joy. Each morning, she is delighted to select which pair she will wear that day. When she finds herself in fear, she glances at those shoes. Those shoes remind her of the mindset in which they were purchased, and the joy with which she wears them. They remind her of freedom. And so she shifts.
Another client of mine feels the same way about his socks. Yet another client sees his watch the same way, and the act of shifting it to his other wrist serves as a fear-to-freedom shift for him. And another client feels calmed and grounded when glancing at a photo of a favorite vacation spot that she has glued to her car's dashboard.
My suggestion to you: make a list of proactive behaviors that will remind you of freedom and help you to make the shift.
I'll tell you a secret.....when I'm really deeply embedded in fear, I forget my proactive behaviors! For that reason, I keep an index card in my wallet. On one side, I've drawn my wheels of fear and freedom. On the other side, I list some proactive behaviors that I can easily use no matter where I am or what situation I'm in. Mine include: glancing out the nearest window, touching my garter, looking up to the sky, and reminding myself that I.Am.Enough. Each of these serves as a reminder of my essential nature. Flip my card over, and I ask myself what I'd do right now if I were coming from a place of freedom. Then I do that thing.
My driver's license renewal? One I reminded myself to come from freedom, I trusted myself that all would go well. And it did. I found the new location easily. I aced the vision test. And I was in and out in 20 minutes :)
Question: what are some proactive behaviors you are willing to use?
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