Fear vs Freedom: Different from Batman vs Superman

Now that we've explored the Wheels of Fear and Freedom, how do we use them?  Let's look at an example, and then learn the tricks that work.  Every. Time. 

My son didn't want to wake up this morning.  He knew that he had schoolwork to do, and that we planned to visit family and friends an hour's drive away.  Yesterday, he was excited by the opportunity to visit.  Yet today, he ignored my repeated requests to get up.

Discovering Your Wheel of Freedom

Last post, we examined the Wheel of Fear, and looked at how it turns tighter and tighter until it has you in a stranglehold.  Now, let's look at how your Wheel of Freedom operates.

How the Wheel of Fear Works

In her book, Fearless Living, bestselling author, Rhonda Britten, describes the workings of both fear and freedom using the analogy of wheels.  The wheel of fear turns "righty tighty". The wheel of freedom turns "lefty loosey". What does that mean, and how do the wheels work together to run your life?  Let's look at the workings of the wheel of fear today.

Turning Complaints into Gratitudes

Complaining.  We all do it. And gosh darn it, we feel justified.  After all, things don't always seem to be in our favor.  Bad stuff happens.  Small stuff, like a dog who poops in the house.  Big stuff, like a major injury or illness.  It is what it is. Your small stuff may be someone else's big stuff, and vice versa. 

We hear someone talk about gratitude.  And we seethe.  How can we be grateful in the middle of our stuff?  How dare someone suggest we should be grateful in the midst of everything?  They obviously have no idea what it's like to live our life.  Smug person that they are.  Can't they just leave us alone?

I'd like to challenge you today.  I'd like to suggest that you follow every complaint with a gratitude.  It may not be easy.  It may make you uncomfortable.  And it's totally do-able. Read on.

I've been asked to give a talk soon, on a topic of my choice related to my experience in a year-long coaching certification program. I titled my talk, "These Things Happen." My chosen topic is turning complaints into gratitudes. Here's a sample:

The Small Stuff

- appointment times:  I hear 9:30 Central.  My client hears 9:30 Pacific.  Both of us sit on the conference call line at different times.  Alone.  Beating myself up about not being more clear turns into gratitude that my clients are committed and understanding.

- unreliable internet: My son has a proctored online exam scheduled for 4:00 pm.  The internet goes down at 3:30.  My ISP advises that they are unable to make a service call today.  They are seemingly unconcerned that my son may fail his course if he is unable to write his scheduled final.  My anger at my ISP's lack of empathy and support turns to gratitude that my neighbors are home and have a working Internet connection.

- interruptions:  I lock my door when I'm on client calls.  My family has been told they are not to disturb me.  While I'm on a call, I see my husband gesturing to me through our patio window.  I turn my back to him.  After my call, I discover that he has injured himself and wants to be taken to hospital.  My frustration at my boundaries not being honored turns to gratitude that he is not severely injured. 

The Big Stuff

- a major structural catastrophe on our property - Anger at Mother Nature's cruelty turns to gratitude that it is repairable.

- the death of someone vey close.  Rage at the illness that took him turns to gratitude for the times we shared together.  

You can do this, too!  Is it easy?  Not always.  Not even usually.  Yet it's doable.  My challenge to you:  each time you catch yourself complaining, follow that complaint with a gratitude.  Preferably directly related to the topic of the complaint.  If that's not possible for you, then state an unrelated gratitude.  Be grateful for the weather.  For your health.  For the food on your table, the roof above your head, the clothing you are wearing.  Anything, even simply the fact that you were able to get out of bed this morning.  Keep it up, and you will eventually feel a shift in your perception of the universe.  You've got this. 

Question:  what is one complaint you turned into a gratitude today?

5 Steps to Showing Compassion to Yourself (& Others) in Any Situation

Are you hard on yourself?  Do you have a tendency to blame yourself when things don't turn out the way you'd like them to? Are you comparing yourself with others, and labeling yourself as less than they are?  Is it challenging for you to show yourself compassion? Tough to be gentle with yourself?  Here's a formula that will help.