How to Determine if You Really, Truly, want to Change Your Life

Are you seeking change?  From time to time, we all wish for things to be different.  A mate, a different mate, or no mate at all.  A job, a career change, or retirement.  Feeling loved, wanted, needed.  Connection.  Someone who will listen to us. Relaxation time.  Fun. A sense of order.

Or perhaps, we are seeking something elusive.  We don't know what we want.  We simply want a change. A difference. We're feeling stuck.  How do we decide what's best for us?  How do we determine the particular change that will suit us best?  Or whether we truly want change at all?  

In 2007, my house burned down.  To the ground.  In the words of the insurance adjuster, "this is what we call a total loss."  Change was forced upon me.  I had decisions to make.  Rebuild on my 100-acre farm?  Buy a house in town and sharecrop the land?  Sell the acreage and move somewhere else entirely?  

At the time, I was responsible for the needs of 9 children, between the ages of 3 and 27, and a husband with a catastrophic brain injury.  There were decisions to be made.  Quickly.  In making those decisions, I allowed fear to run the show.  I hadn't yet heard of Fearless Living.  My decisions were made based on what I thought everyone else wanted.  What I thought they needed.  I never stopped to consider my own needs.  

A few years later, I was burned out.  Overwhelmed.  Dissatisfied.  Unhappy.  Confused. Questioning the choices I had made, and beating myself up.

Enter Rhonda Britten and Fearless Living.  I learned about the role fear was playing in my life.  I learned how to make friends with fear.  I learned about my essential nature, and how to access it to live in freedom.  And I began to make changes.  

Today, I filter my desire for change through a filter of freedom.  What do I need from a situation?  How do I feel about the way things are now?

You, too, can learn to use feelings and needs to determine your next best step when contemplating change. Here's how:

1.  Ask yourself, "what am I feeling about the current situation?"

Make a list of the things you'd like to change. When you think about the current status of those things, what comes up for you?  Rate the following feelings on a scale of 1 (I don't feel this) -10 (gut-wrenching):

If you're not sure what you want to change, ask yourself what areas of your life evoke these emotions, using the same scale.  Make a list.

Angry

Distressed

Helpless

Confused

Guilty

Puzzled

Frustrated

Overwhelmed

Embarrassed

Righteous

Discouraged

Sad

Impatient

____________(add your own feeling here)

2.  Now imagine you can wave a magic wand, and change the areas/thing(s) you are contemplating.  How will you feel, (or how would you like to feel), when the change is complete?  Use the same 1-10 scale here:

Amazed

Relieved

Confident 

Joyous

Stimulated

Hopeful

Fulfilled

Inspired

Proud

Glad

Thankful

____________(add your own feeling here)

3.  Which of your proposed changes evoke the strongest feelings?  Remember, we are talking here about how you feel, not how your perceive others will react.

4.  Determine your ONE THING.  What is the one thing that evokes the strongest reaction?  Perhaps you'd like to have less of a feeling from list #1.  Or more of a feeling from list #2.  Or maybe both.  What will serve you best?  That is what you want to change.  Have more than one, and can't decide?  Guess!  Pick one to start.  You can always change your mind later.

Next week, we'll talk about specifics.  Now that you've chosen your one thing, what do you do next?  Be sure to sign up for blog updates so you don't miss what comes next. 

Question: What is your one thing? 

Are you too overwhelmed or confused to decide? If you can't decide, contact me for a consultation using the contact form in the sidebar. I can guide you through the process.  You may be surprised by the result!

12 Lessons to Move You from Fear to Freedom in 2016

Are you ready to move from fear to freedom?  Do you want support in doing so?  I can help!  Here's a look ahead to what you'll learn on my blog in 2016.   Read on for a list of topics I'll be covering.  

Happy Holidays

I'm taking this week off to rest and rejuvenate.  I wish all my readers a joyous, low-stress holiday season.  If you need support, check out my post "5 Tips to Survive a Family Thanksgiving", or contact me directly.

Next week, look for a list of topics I'll be covering in 2016.

How to Free Yourself from the Disempowering Effect of Goals

A 2012 study by leadershipiq that looked at 4,182 workers from 397 organizations came to the conclusion that goals are not particularly helpful.  My personal experience confirms that.  Fortunately, Fearless Living gives us a new way to move forward.  By creating intention statements, rather than goals, willingness and choice overtake should and guilt.  Compassion takes center stage, and self- punishment is lessened, or perhaps eliminated altogether.  Sound good?  Read on.

4 Ways to Combat Expectations

What do you expect to find in the snack aisle of the supermarket?  Chips?  Candy?  Nuts?  What if you discovered olive oil and vinegar instead?  How would you feel?  What would you do?

Years ago, while doing my Christmas baking, I realized I was out of crushed pineapple.  We lived in a rural location. A trip to the store meant at least a couple of hours' delay in my baking plans.  Grudgingly, off I went.  Sheesh!  I had expected to find cans of pineapple in my pantry.  

5 Tips to Survive a Family Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a joyous time of family connection.  Or is it? It's fine until Aunt Molly begins telling you all the things she dislikes about the way you're raising your children.  Or your husband starts comparing your cooking to his mother's award-winning pumpkin pie.  Or cousin George turns the tv up to full volume, loads up his plate, and disappears to the den.   Are you ready to tear your hair out just thinking about it?

AAA's Thanksgiving forecast for last year predicted 46.3 million people would travel.  That's the hugest number since 2007.  Most travel to visit family and friends. Thanksgiving gatherings can be stressful.  The tips that are given here can focus you, and relieve you of the burden.

How to Beat Overwhelm by Turning Should into Choice

Do you wake up in the morning thinking about what you should do today?  Do you make your decisions based upon what others think you should do?  Should you be doing something other than reading this article right now?

As a homeschooling mom, I've bombarded myself with shoulds in the past.  I should create a schedule.  I should ensure my child is performing at or above grade level.  I should research the most effective math program.  I should ensure my child is socializing with his peers regularly.  I should be sure he's participating in sports. I should have her participate in a volunteer program.  I should take them to the library on a regular schedule.