5 Tips to Survive a Family Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a joyous time of family connection.  Or is it? It's fine until Aunt Molly begins telling you all the things she dislikes about the way you're raising your children.  Or your husband starts comparing your cooking to his mother's award-winning pumpkin pie.  Or cousin George turns the tv up to full volume, loads up his plate, and disappears to the den.   Are you ready to tear your hair out just thinking about it?

AAA's Thanksgiving forecast for last year predicted 46.3 million people would travel.  That's the hugest number since 2007.  Most travel to visit family and friends. Thanksgiving gatherings can be stressful.  The tips that are given here can focus you, and relieve you of the burden.

1.  Create an Intention

Creating an intention for yourself reminds you of what it is you most want to achieve.  Start your intention statement with the words, "I am willing to practice...."  Ask yourself what it is that you are willing to practice throughout the gathering.  Is it using kind words?  Staying quiet if provoked? Keeping a calm tone of voice? Leaving the room if you feel yourself getting upset? Smiling? Once you've decided the one thing you are willing to practice doing, say it out loud to yourself.  Write it down if you wish.  Own it.  Be willing to practice it.

2.  Let Go of Perfection

Notice that your intention contains the word "practice." Give yourself permission not to be perfect.  Acknowledge yourself for your willingness.  Don't beat yourself up.  Did you stay quiet when Cousin George disappeared? Great!  Acknowledge yourself for that. Did you *think about* leaving the room when Aunt Molly started with her opinions about how you raise your children?  Great!  Acknowledge yourself for that thought, even if you stayed put.  It's not about perfection, it's about movement.  Be willing to acknowledge not only your actions, but also your insights and thoughts.  Did you have an insight about your reaction to Aunt Molly?  Great!  Acknowledge that too. You rock!

3.  Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings

Ok, so you left the room when Aunt Molly started up, yet you're fuming.  How dare she criticize you like that! Guess what?  It's perfectly normal and acceptable to have feelings.  Feelings aren't wrong or bad.  You're entitled to them. Say to yourself, "I feel furious, and that's ok". Give yourself permission to feel.  Now, take a deep breath and remind yourself of your intention.  How committed are you to that intention, on a scale of 1-10?  Refocus.  Then carry on.

4.  Let go of the Need to Prove Others Wrong

What was your intention again?  Will arguing with hubby about who makes the better pie serve any useful purpose?  Will it really make you feel better?  Resist the urge to remind hubby that he had told you in the past that his mother's green bean casserole couldn't measure up to yours.  Or that Aunt Molly told you that the secret to the pie was canned pie filling and a pre-made crust.  Silently acknowledge yourself for not rising to the bait.

5.  Find the Gratitudes

Thanksgiving is, after all, about giving thanks.  Challenge yourself to find the gratitudes.  Can you think of 5 things you are grateful for in the moment?  How about 10? Are you grateful that the turkey didn't fall on the floor?  That someone else is doing the carving?  That you didn't have to worry about the rolls, because cousin George brought them?  Or perhaps, that Aunt Molly only visits twice a year?

How do you feel now?  Consider how your intention will support you on focusing on the things that are within your control.  Your thoughts.  Your actions. Your insights.  Think of how acknowledging yourself for even the most fleeting thought will allow you to reduce the frequency and intensity for beating yourself up.  Ponder the difference in the tone of the room when you're not arguing.  Be grateful.  Now give yourself credit.  You can do this!

Question: What is your intention for this Thanksgiving season?  What are you willing to practice? Comment below with your "I am willing to practice...." intention statement.