What's All This Talk About Fear, Anyway?

Lately, it seems as though fear is a buzzword.  Sexy, almost. It's a challenge to feel fear, to move through fear, to conquer fear.  But why? How?  What the heck is this fear everyone's talking about, and why on earth would anyone want to knowingly seek out fear?

Years ago, I was given a huge promotion at work.  I went home from work on the weekend as a junior manager leading a department of one.  I returned on Monday as the sole senior administrator of a health care facility, in charge of a management staff of 8, a nursing and support staff of 100, and the well-being and comfort of 100 long term residents.  Thrilling?  You bet.  Terrifying? Absolutely.

I felt confident in my ability to lead.  I'd been taking long term care management courses.  I'd stepped in for the previous administrator for short periods of time.  I'd weathered the lengthy interview process, and had been chosen as the best fit among several qualified and experienced candidates. And yet, I felt vulnerable and unsure.

Although I couldn't put a name to it at the time, I experienced emotional fear: the gut-wrenching feeling of not being good enough.

Yikes!
Rhonda Britten's best selling book,  Fearless Living, defines fear as "both the cause and effect of the feelings, thoughts, or actions that inhibit you from accepting yourself and realizing your full potential.  In other words, fear has one job and one job only: to keep you safe from feeling that you are 'not good enough.'"

We all want to be safe, right?  And yet.....

In its quest to keep us safe, fear prevents us from reaching outside our comfort zone to examine opportunities for connection, love and adventure.  It stops us from expressing ourselves fully; from being the person our heart calls us to be.  It overrides our essential nature by telling us things like:

• You're not worthy of that person's love

• You don't deserve that promotion

• If they only knew the real you!

• How dare you ask for that?

• Who do you think you are?

Fear remembers all your past hurts, and, because it loves you, wants to help you not to feel those feelings again. Its intentions are honorable.  Fear is misguided, though.  It fails to take into account how you've changed and grown.

Fear wants you to stay in your comfort zone, not being vulnerable and not risking.  After all, your comfort zone is safe.  You can't fail if you don't take risks.  There can be no rejection if you don't ask for anything.  Your comfort zone may not always be pleasant, yet it's safe in its predictability.  Fear says, "better the devil you know than the devil you don't."

Draw a mental picture of your comfort zone. Are you single, or in a relationship? Are you a stay-at-home parent, homeschooler, do you work from home, or do you go out to a job?  How do you fill your time? Are you a homebody or a social butterfly?  Have you lived in the same place for years, or are you frequently on the move?  Do you exercise and eat healthy?  Or are you more of a couch potato?  There are no rights and wrongs here.

Got a picture in your mind? Great!  Now imagine yourself honoring the feelings fear brings up for you, while simultaneously embracing your true, essential nature.  Imagine yourself thanking fear for its desire to keep you safe, while simultaneously reaching out to fulfillment.  Already living the life you desire?  Great!  Learning how to work with fear will help keep you there.  Yearning for change?  That's great too!  Leaning on your essential nature while taking risks will help keep fear at bay.

Fear lets you know when you're venturing out of your comfort zone.  It wants to keep you safe from emotional harm, yet does so by stifling your desire to take risks.  Learning strategies to honor and befriend fear will open up the adventure and love that are waiting in your future.

Is fear keeping you in your comfort zone?  Comment below with one thing you'd like to do, yet haven't done yet.  What's stopping you?