How to Determine if You Really, Truly, want to Change Your Life

Are you seeking change?  From time to time, we all wish for things to be different.  A mate, a different mate, or no mate at all.  A job, a career change, or retirement.  Feeling loved, wanted, needed.  Connection.  Someone who will listen to us. Relaxation time.  Fun. A sense of order.

Or perhaps, we are seeking something elusive.  We don't know what we want.  We simply want a change. A difference. We're feeling stuck.  How do we decide what's best for us?  How do we determine the particular change that will suit us best?  Or whether we truly want change at all?  

In 2007, my house burned down.  To the ground.  In the words of the insurance adjuster, "this is what we call a total loss."  Change was forced upon me.  I had decisions to make.  Rebuild on my 100-acre farm?  Buy a house in town and sharecrop the land?  Sell the acreage and move somewhere else entirely?  

At the time, I was responsible for the needs of 9 children, between the ages of 3 and 27, and a husband with a catastrophic brain injury.  There were decisions to be made.  Quickly.  In making those decisions, I allowed fear to run the show.  I hadn't yet heard of Fearless Living.  My decisions were made based on what I thought everyone else wanted.  What I thought they needed.  I never stopped to consider my own needs.  

A few years later, I was burned out.  Overwhelmed.  Dissatisfied.  Unhappy.  Confused. Questioning the choices I had made, and beating myself up.

Enter Rhonda Britten and Fearless Living.  I learned about the role fear was playing in my life.  I learned how to make friends with fear.  I learned about my essential nature, and how to access it to live in freedom.  And I began to make changes.  

Today, I filter my desire for change through a filter of freedom.  What do I need from a situation?  How do I feel about the way things are now?

You, too, can learn to use feelings and needs to determine your next best step when contemplating change. Here's how:

1.  Ask yourself, "what am I feeling about the current situation?"

Make a list of the things you'd like to change. When you think about the current status of those things, what comes up for you?  Rate the following feelings on a scale of 1 (I don't feel this) -10 (gut-wrenching):

If you're not sure what you want to change, ask yourself what areas of your life evoke these emotions, using the same scale.  Make a list.

Angry

Distressed

Helpless

Confused

Guilty

Puzzled

Frustrated

Overwhelmed

Embarrassed

Righteous

Discouraged

Sad

Impatient

____________(add your own feeling here)

2.  Now imagine you can wave a magic wand, and change the areas/thing(s) you are contemplating.  How will you feel, (or how would you like to feel), when the change is complete?  Use the same 1-10 scale here:

Amazed

Relieved

Confident 

Joyous

Stimulated

Hopeful

Fulfilled

Inspired

Proud

Glad

Thankful

____________(add your own feeling here)

3.  Which of your proposed changes evoke the strongest feelings?  Remember, we are talking here about how you feel, not how your perceive others will react.

4.  Determine your ONE THING.  What is the one thing that evokes the strongest reaction?  Perhaps you'd like to have less of a feeling from list #1.  Or more of a feeling from list #2.  Or maybe both.  What will serve you best?  That is what you want to change.  Have more than one, and can't decide?  Guess!  Pick one to start.  You can always change your mind later.

Next week, we'll talk about specifics.  Now that you've chosen your one thing, what do you do next?  Be sure to sign up for blog updates so you don't miss what comes next. 

Question: What is your one thing? 

Are you too overwhelmed or confused to decide? If you can't decide, contact me for a consultation using the contact form in the sidebar. I can guide you through the process.  You may be surprised by the result!