Last week, we learned about a tool called Stretch, Risk and Die. Here is how I put this tool to use in a real-life, everyday situation.
Recently, my husband traveled away from home for a few days. One night while he was gone, our dogs started barking furiously in the middle of the night. I woke up. I froze. Fear was doing its best to keep me safe by protecting me. My voice of fear was telling me there might be an intruder in my house. My voice of freedom, on the other hand, was reassuring me. It told me all was fine.
My thoughts immediately turned to stretch, risk and die. What was a stretch for me in this situation? A risk? A die?
A stretch (something I knew I could do) was to call out to the dogs. Some risks (something I wasn't sure I could do) were:
- to go downstairs to see what the dogs were barking about
- to stay put and close my bedroom door
- to call out to our caretakers, who live on the property
- to send a message to hubby and ask for support
Some dies (things I'd die an emotional death if I did) that immediately crossed my mind were:
- to call the police
- to turn on the lights
Here's what fear was telling me:
- whether I went downstairs or whether I stayed put, an intruder might find me
- if I reached out and confessed my fear to either my caretaker or my husband, they'd laugh at me
- if I called police without investigating first, and there was no danger, they'd think I was crazy
- if I turned on the lights, I'd be making it easy for a potential intruder to find me
In an upcoming post, we'll learn about our core fear. My core fear is "stupid." All of the things fear was telling me revolved around my core fear. If I did any of the things outside my comfort zone, I was confirming that I was stupid.
Freedom, however, had another idea. Freedom told me to trust my intuition.
- Freedom told me that I had not heard any noises other than the dogs.
- Freedom told me that the dogs would protect me.
- Freedom told me that my caretaker would protect me.
- Freedom told me that my husband would offer supportive words to me.
I shifted from fear to freedom by taking a deep breath, and asking myself what freedom would do in this situation. In that moment, I called out to the dogs, picked up my phone, walked downstairs, and confirmed that there was no intruder. I let the dogs out into the yard. All was fine. I petted the dogs and expressed gratitude to them for being there. I acknowledged myself for my proactive behavior. I thanked fear for its attempt to keep me safe, and I went back to bed.
Is fear telling you that this process is cumbersome? All of this went through my mind in a matter of seconds. Unconsciously, for the most part. I didn't plot my potential thoughts and actions on a diagram. I didn't analyze what was going though my mind as I made my decision. What I did do was ask myself how freedom would handle the situation. And did that.
Could the situation have turned out differently? Sure it could have. Was fear trying to tell me stories to keep me safe? Sure it was. In the moment, I concentrated on what I knew to be true. The doors were locked. The dogs were merely barking. They weren't attaching anyone. My caretaker was nearby.
This example combines physical fear (of a potential intruder) and emotional fear (of appearing stupid) to show how the stretch, risk and die model can be applied. Fearless Living is about emotional fear. It can be applied to any situation you might be facing, or decision you might want to make. Career decisions. Family relationship issues. Making friends. Deciding whether to move to a new location. Improving your health. Overcoming any and all challenges.
Initially, you will most likely be best served by drawing out the stretch-risk-die diagram and plotting your fearless path. Eventually, it will become second nature. As you continue to practice this tool, more things will appear in your stretch zone. You'll be more willing to tackle things in the risk and die zones. Remember to use Acknowledgements and Gratitudes to anchor your progress. And your life will become more Fearless.
Question: How can you support yourself in using the stretch, risk, die model on a regular basis? Hint: think of a way to help you remember to access this tool. Tell me what you will use as a reminder.
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