defines 'support' as "to maintain (a person, family, establishment, institution, etc.) by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for" Necessary. To. Existence.
We all need support in our lives. Rhonda Britten says, "No one can be fearless alone." I agree. Remember the movie "Ghostbusters?" Those fearless souls who would provide support to chase ghosts away? Rhonda has labeled people who provide support as Fearbusters. Fearbusters are those fearless souls who provide support to us to chase fears away.
How, then, do we find Fearbusters? According to Rhonda, there are 4 types. Some, or all, of them probably exist in our lives right now. Others, we may have to search out. And some may be people in our lives who play a dual role: Fear Junkies in some areas, and Fearbusters in others. Let's look at the types of Fearbusters who already appear in our lives. Which ones do you recognize?
Support Buddies
Support buddies are, as their name sounds, willing to support your growth. They believe in you, and accept you as you are. They're your cheerleaders. An example of a support buddy might be a friend who is always quick to tell you how great s/he thinks you are. Then adds specifics.
Voices of Experience
These are those people who have been there, done that, and are willing to talk about their positive experiences. They may have been down a similar path, and/or are now where you want to be. They provide guidance and reassurance. A mentor or muse may be a voice of experience, as long as they have a positive outlook.
Powerful Partners
A powerful partner relationship is usually more formal than that of a support buddy. You're working toward a common, stated goal. Both of you are committed to the goal, and to holding each other accountable. Boundaries have been set, often around the nature of the support, the commitment level, and the goal itself. Any goal that involves a business partnership, or a buddy system, can foster powerful partners.
Wise Council
A wise council relationship is often more structured, and businesslike, than other Fearbuster relationships. Wise council have knowledge, expertise and wisdom in the area where you are wanting support. They investigate options with you, helping you to clarify what might work best for you in a given situation. You may pay for the expertise of a Wise Council, such as an accountant, lawyer, therapist, contractor, consultant or life coach.
Points to Remember
- You may already have Fearbusters in your life that you know and love. Your neighbor, the parenting support buddy, who says how she admires the calm way you talk to your children when they're upset. Your boss, who is a voice a experience in encouraging you to apply for a promotion, and telling you the steps she took to make it to her current position. Your powerful partner exercise pal, who joins you on your morning walks. Your wise council accountant, who suggests tax-reduction strategies.
- You may have unrecognized Fearbusters that you haven't considered. The support buddy barista, who provides your favorite drink with a smile, and chit chats as she does so. The acquaintance who has lost weight and is willing to share how he did it. The stranger you see at the gym every time you go, who would love to buddy up and work toward a common fitness goal. The life coach, whose blog posts inspire you to learn more.
- A person can be a fearnpbuster in one area and a fear junkie in another. The friend who supports you in areas of personal growth, yet is a rear view mirror when it comes to relationships. The coworker who is a powerful partner in some work projects and a complaining buddy in others. The neighbor who is a voice of experience when it comes to weight loss, yet a dream drainer when you share your desire to buy a vacation home. It is possible to foster your Fearbuster relationships without succumbing to fear junkie areas. Hint: read last week's post to learn how to deal with fear junkies.
- It is possible, and healthy, to seek ways to increase the numbers of Fearbusters in your life. We'll talk about strategies to increase your tribe next time.
Question: what is one relationship you are viewing differently now that you know about Fearbusters?
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