Today's blog post is a little different. Instead of discussing a concept related to Fearless Living, I'd like to give an example of what Fearless Living can do. Here's an article about my 12-year-old son. We knew he was special when we realized he could read. At 16 months of age. By 3, he was reading (and understanding!) entire books. By 4-3/4, he had tested at above the 99.9th percentile in standardized tests. I didn't know anything about Fearless Living back then, and I was terrified! How was I going to ensure the best possible education for this child? What if my actions stifled, instead of helped him? Gulp!
One of my first steps was to consult a Fearbuster. My father became my first wise council. Dad was a retired Director of Education. Full of good advice. To my surprise, he recommended homeschooling. And not merely homeschooling, but unschooling. Allowing my son to choose his own educational path, according to his interests. Was I up to the challenge? Although it was easy for me to be grateful for my son's abilities and dedication to his interests, it was challenging for me to acknowledge myself. And, particularly, to forgive myself for my mistakes. To recognize that the bumps we it along the way were actually part of the process that led to where we now are.
What did Fearless Living teach me?
To deal with the Fear Junkies by thanking them for their concern, yet making my own decisions. By reminding myself that they were innocent. They meant no harm. They hadn't walked my family's path.
To seek out Fearbusters: Wise Council to evaluate my son. Powerful Partners who have children with similar goals & abilities. Voices of Experience who had written about their own journeys. Support Buddies who reminded me that I'm OK and don't have to be perfect.
To express gratitude. For a 20-month old son who could read a restaurant menu. For a 3-year-old son who entertained a group of teenagers by reading a novel that was placed in his hands. For the neighbours who gave my 5-year-old son the AMA (American Medical Association) book that he all but memorized. For the Internet Cafe owner who spent hours discussing operating systems. To the university who was willing to take a chance on a 10-year-old student. I look for at least 5 gratitudes every day.
To use acknowledgements to quit beating myself up. There were days when I felt defeated and unworthy. Yet, there was always something to acknowledge. A new action. A new thought. Even thinking about taking an action. Sometimes it takes a tremendous amount of effort to find that acknowledgement. I make it a priority to do so. I aim for 5 day. Some days there are many more. Some days they are few and far between.
To understand how my choices are affected by my Wheels of Fear and Freedom. Knowing my trigger and my essential nature are essential. I can recognize I'm on my wheel of Fear. I knowhow to use proactive behaviours to shift to my wheel of freedom. I can make decisions based in freedom. My confidence soars, and I trust myself.
To be free of the limiting effect of expectations. Are Canadian universities not set up to consider a 10-year-old homeschooler? Fine. We'll look at the US. My commitment is to seeking the most appropriate education for my son. I'm focused on the process. I'm able to release my attachment to the outcome of any equiry I make on his behalf.
To ignore the seduction of excuses. My son has set his sights on a computer science degree. I could easily have told him that's not possible at his age. I could have told him I didn't have time to research the options. I didn't have the money to pay for the classes. I didn't have the knowledge about educational options and university accreditation. I didn't have the energy to book consultations or write emails. Instead, I used my commitment to his education to bypass excuses. I used his interest as a bonding tool, as we researched together. I allowed him to try two CLEP university challenge exams at the age of 9.
To turn complaints into gratitudes. An email is not getting a response? I'm grateful that I'm able to pursue other options. A phone call is not returned? I'm grateful for the information available on the Internet? The Internet is down on the day of my son's major test? I'm grateful for neighbours who set aside their plans so my son can take the test at their house.
To use Stretch, Risk & Die to identify commitments and set intentions. Monitoring my son's educational progress is within my comfort zone. Participating in like-minded Facebook groups is a stretch. Contacting universities is a risk. Talking the back reporter was originally a die. Next time, it will be merely a stretch. Asking people for funding is still a die. I will use intentions as I choose to pursue each of these areas. "I am willing to practice..." is so empowering!
Here's a link to the article about my son. After you've read it, please comeback here and answer this question: what is one area of your life where Fearless principles could help you?
Add your answer to the comments. Want to learn more about Fearless Living? Contact me to book an introductory session,or to be added to a free Fearless Living online book group.
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