Do you want to get out of your comfort zone? Are you sure? Because, let's face it, our comfort zone is, well......comfortable. Safe. A place within which fear keeps us safe from the unexpected consequences of stretches, risks and (gulp!) dies.
Ah, but stretches, risks and dies are where the magic happens. Where we learn our true capabilities. Where anything is possible. Where we begin to feel our freedom. Where we fly. Yet, fear tells us not to take those risks. "It's scary out there!" fear says, "I can't guarantee your safety. Stay here with me. Stick with the known." And yet....we yearn. To be more. To do more. To find our purpose. To get our needs met. To live our dreams. And we can, by taking the following steps:
And before we do, let's look at a real-life example from my own life. (or skip straight to the steps below if you'd prefer). My husband has been on long-term disability since an accident in 1997. (That's a loooong time. He was in his 30's back then.) Our family was recently faced with some workplace changes that caused us to reevaluate whether he should remain on disability, or retire altogether. Maintaining the status quo was undoubtedly within hubby's comfort zone.
After almost 20 years, fear was telling him to stay with the known. Fear said, "if you retire, you'll no longer be able to say you work for your current employer. You'll lose your ability to identify yourself as a correctional officer, or as a member of your union. Your spending power will decrease. You might not be able to buy what you want and to go where you want. Perhaps you should wait."
Freedom said, "What is your commitment in this situation?" (It was to provide for his family, and himself as best as possible for as long as possible). Hubby and I brainstormed together. As a result of this, we set intentions. Those included attending retirement seminars, gathering firm data, confirming and re-confirming what we were told, clarifying where needed, and making sure we had things in writing. We consulted a financial advisor.
The worst case scenario would have been discovering hubby did not have a choice in the matter. (And yet, that might also gphave been the best-worst, as he would have been relieved of the stress of the decision). As it turned out, we discovered a special retirement provision for employees on disability. Had we allowed fear to keep us in our comfort zone, this opportunity would have passed us by, possibly unknown to us, or possibly rearing its head after the fact, when it was no longer unavailable.
I acknowledged myself for my supportive role in each case. Hubby acknowledged himself for asking for help when he felt overwhelmed. We both acknowledged ourselves for (mostly) keeping our cool through some somewhat heated discussions about points we didn't understand or didn't agree on.
Hubby's commitment has now been fulfilled, with a decision made and paperwork submitted. He feels calm, committed, and in control. And I feel safe and heard. My needs have been met, as have his. All thanks to our willingness to move forward in freedom.
Now, let's look at how you can do this for yourself:
1. State your commitment.
What is it you want to achieve? Making new friends. Finding your passion. Changing jobs. Changing your residence. Educating yourself. Standing up for ourself. Or something else entirely. Choose one commitment that resounds the loudest with you.
2. Brainstorm all the things you can do to lead you to your chosen action.
Overwhelming and challenging? Ask a friend to brainstorm with you. Or hire a coach. Think of what others have done. Research. Write everything down. No matter how small. No matter how silly. Even getting out of bed can seem like a stretch, risk or die to some of us. Talking to strangers. Smiling. Asking for something we want. Allowing ourselves to dream.
3. Choose one thing you'd like to do in the next week to get you started.
Better yet, choose 3 things to really move you forward. Are these things a stretch, a risk or a die? What is the action you'd like to take first? Does making a choice seem uncomfortable, or even overwhelming? Good. You're on the right track.
4. Set an intention.
Intentions start with, "I am willing..." or "I am willing to practice..." Being willing to practice means you don't have to be perfect! Think of how willing you are to follow through on that intention? If your willingness is low, what might improve it? How can you support yourself? You needed do everything on your list at once. Or even at all. I suggest starting with a stretch....something you know you can do, yet just haven't gotten around to doing yet.
5. Use your intentions to act on your commitment.
Make that phone call. Smile at the new guy. Write that email. Check the classifieds. Remember, you are practicing here. What is the worst that can happen if you fail? Ah yes, but what might happen if you succeed? And what if the worst thing turns out to be the best thing in the long run? More on that in a future post.
6. Acknowledge yourself.
You practiced what you were willing to practice? Great! You thought about practicing, yet didn't follow through? Also great! You're thinking about the very thing that is scaring you. The thought that you've refused to think in the past is releasing its grip on you! How cool is that? 5 self acknowledgements a day is ideal. One is a fantastic start!
7. Repeat steps 3-7 until...
you've either A. achieved your commitment, or B. chosen to redefine your commitment. What have you learned along the way? How can you use this knowledge as you create a new commitment?
Voila! You've ventured out of your comfort zone! You've tasted freedom. You've acknowledged fear, yet moved forward in freedom. You rock!
Question: what is the first commitment you'd like to make that will get you out of your comfort zone?
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