5 Steps to Rediscovering Your Authentic Self: How to Be You When You Have Lost Who You Are

"Be yourself!" so many books, articles and websites command. And what if you've been posturing so long you no longer know who you are?  How can you be you, when you've lost your sense of yourself?

I was once asked to write a list of 100 things I like to do. I was floored. I didn't know what I liked to do.  I was so wrapped up in doing for others that their likes had become my likes.  Their needs had become my needs.  And their requested actions had become my focus. My husband liked watching certain programs on tv, so we watched.  Did I like those programs?  Not really.  Did I even like watching tv?  Not so much.  My kids liked camping.  So we camped.  I prepped, packed, drove, set up, cooked, cleaned, took down, and drove home.  Did I want to add camping to my list of likes?  No way.  Mosquitos love me, so anything outdoorsy was off my list. 

Realizing that I had become so entrenched in fulfilling others' needs and wants was a eye-opener for me.  How, then, might I rediscover who I was and what I enjoyed?  How might I learn more about me?  How might I cut down on the people-pleasing, and focus instead on being authentic?

Here are 5 steps to rediscovering your authentic self:

1. Become aware of your Essential Nature, which Rhonda Btitten describes as "the most denied aspect of yourself."  My essential nature is trusting.  To tap into my authentic self, I needed to learn to trust my intuition. (Yours may be different: contact me find out more.)

2.  Allow your Essential Nature to guide you by asking....what actions can I take that would be in line with my Essential Nature?  For example, let's say that your Essential Nature is courage.  What do you do now that is courageous?  What would you like to do in the future?  What might you do differently?

3. Determine what do you like to do that is for you and no one else.  Do you like to read? Hike? Facebook? Play golf? Cook? Do you like Sports? Spas? Shopping? Libraries? Coffee shops?  If you're stumped, be willing to stretch, risk & die your way to revisiting previous experiences and/or examining new ones.  (See my post on Stretch, Risk and Die here).

4.  Set an intention around discovering who you are.  What is it you are willing to do to help with your discovery?  When?  Which action, guided by your essential nature, are you willing to take first? Next? And after that?  One action will steer you in the right direction.  Three actions will give you momentum.  And more will open the path to self-discovery and the life you desire. 

5.  Use acknowledgements and gratitudes each day.  Acknowledge yourself for each new thought, insight and action.  Have you discovered you don't like to cook?  Acknowledge yourself for your awareness, and be grateful for prepackaged meals and for restaurants.  Have you discovered you prefer Facebook to attending a party?  After acknowledging yourself for your awareness, be grateful for wifi. There is always, always, always something to acknowledge yourself for and to be grateful for.  Every single day.

My list of 100 things I like to do took a long time, and a lot of trial and error, at first. As I worked through the steps above, it became easier. I learned I prefer to connect with friends by instant message versus talking to friends on the phone.  I learned that I love to read, and despise tv.  As I set intentions based on risk, I began to build momentum.  As I focused on acknowledgements and gratitudes, I was propelled toward more in more intentions which, in turn, taught me more and more about who I am.  My list of things I like to do grew exponentially.  This list taught me who I am.  

Question:  What are 3 actions you can take toward learning to be yourself?