No More Complaining!

We all love to complain.  The weather.  The boss. The kids. The neighbors.  Relatives.  Other drivers.  If any of these push your buttons, that's normal.  If you're vocal about your opinions, you're not alone.  After all, everyone knows that that jerk next door loves to run his lawnmower

at 8:00 am on Sundays.  And everyone hates him for it.  Why shouldn't you let the others know you're on their side?

Recently, neighbors of mine did something that sparked complaints from a lot of people in our area.  Their action became a hot topic of conversation at every gathering.  Whenever a group of people got together, the conversation turned to what this family had done.  There were even a series of articles in the newspaper.  Complete with pictures. 

How did this situation come about? And how did it get out of control?  Well, the family in question had reinforced an already-present barrier in order to protect their property.  One neighbor decided she didn't like it.  She complained.  Long and hard. To as many people as would listen.  

Others complained.  The story grew.  Someone called the press.  Someone contacted the city.  Someone even contacted the federal department responsible for the overseeing of property. Lawyers became involved.

The result?  People are taking sides, based on what they've heard.  Based on opinions, not facts.  And not just about the issue itself.  People are judging this family.  People from miles away have heard of the issue, and are taking sides. Even local versus federal bodies are debating the issue.  And all based on complaints that started with one person.  And grew.  And grew.  And grew.

The Antidote to Complaining

Complaining fosters a sense of connection. Complaining provides a common ground for conversation. Complaining lulls us into feeling superior.  Our listeners not only listen, they agree. This makes us right. Our opinions are justified.  Supported, even.  We feel powerful.

Meanwhile, those we complain about are disempowered. Despite their innocence. They are judged, and found guilty.  They are given no chance to state their case.  No opportunity to rethink their decisions.  

I'd like to suggest an antidote to complaining.  It's called gratitude. What if you were able to turn everyone of your complaints into gratitudes? What if you could see other cleaners as innocent? Not possible? Let's try it on for size and see.

Start with the jerk next-door with the lawn mower. Are you grateful that his yard is always well kept? Is your property value higher as the result of his efforts? Is the risk of rodents, snakes and other undesirable critters reduced? And how about seeing him as innocent? What if you knew that Sunday was his only day off, and then Sunday afternoons he looked after his elderly mother? Might you feel differently then?

And what about my neighbor family? Would you feel differently if you knew their house was susceptible to being washed away by the waves had they not take any action that they did? Would you feel differently if you knew that the authorities were aware of the action they were going to take,  and given approval? How about if you realized that their actions actually protected neighboring properties as well?  And that they did it all at their own expense?  Are you willing to be grateful for the actions that they took? Are you willing to see them as innocents who believed they were helping?

An attitude of gratitude is a powerful force. Seeing others is innocent shift your perspective. Turning lanes into gratitudes changes your outlook.

Question: what complaint will you turn into a gratitude today?