There's so much talk about fear lately. On the Internet. In magazines. Newspaper articles. Among friends. Everyone's saying how fear is holding you back. And how you need to push through that fear to move toward your dreams. Your wishes. Or even your life's purpose.
Yet, it's left up to you to define what it is that scares you. Perhaps you're led to believe that a different fear rules Every. Single. Situation. That each time you feel stuck, it's a different fear you have to face. To accept. To move past. I challenge you today to think differently.
I used to believe I had so many fears. Some of them related to my professional life: fear that I wasn't perfect. Fear that my lack of knowledge in certain areas would be exposed. Fear that my staff didn't like me. Fear that no one would listen to me. Fear that my clients would think me uncaring and rigid. Fear that my peers were more competent than I was.
These fears ruled my every decision. I set out to please everyone. Not perfect? I'd check, double check and triple check. Was I in compliance with the Nursing Homes Act? Check. Was I following the company manual exactly as written? Check. The union contract? Check. Did I use proper format and grammar in all my correspondence? Check. Did I set out to show gratitude in equal measure to each of my 100 employees? Check. Did I memorize facts about my clients, remember their preferences, and call them by name? Check. Did I study meeting agendas in advance, and read up on topics, so that I could speak wth authority? Check.
And yet, no matter how many to-do lists I made, how many checklists I ticked off, how many facts I memorized, I was still burdened by the feeling that I was Not. Good. Enough. What I hadn't realized at the time was that all those fears that kept me jumping through hoops were symptoms of something else. Of one Core Fear that was running my life. My reactions were responses that temporarily alleviated some of the symptoms. Yet the underlying fear, the one that caused me to react, was neither identified nor addressed.
Once I discovered my Core Fear, I was able to put my fear symptoms into perspective. I was able to recognize that what I had been doing was only spiraling me deeper into my Wheel of Fear. I could then identify, and implement steps, that would shift me from fear to freedom. I began to realize that I was human. As such, I could never be perfect. And that not perfect was OK. Instead of perfect, I chose to be the best Marla I could be. And I began to recognize when fear was nudging me. When my Core Fear was triggering my responses. When I needed to make the shift from fear to freedom in order to support myself. Relief!
Your Core Fear
What if all your fears related back to one core fear? A fear that, if identified, would allow you to make sense of the root cause of all your fears? Would that feel like relief to you? Or perhaps something too scary to even contemplate?
Your Core Fear is deeply hidden. As Rhonda Britten says, it's the one thing you don't want anyone to think about you. It's the root of all your fears. The one thing you can't bear to think about yourself. The thought you've not allowed yourself to think. The label you've worked all your life to avoid. Probably unknowingly. It's kept itself hidden. It's manifested itself by its symptoms. The thought may you may have had that you've worked so hard to dispel.
One-on-One Discovery
How, then, do you uncover your Core Fear? How do you get to the root of all that is causing you to be stuck? To keep spinning on your Wheel of Fear? I can help! Leave a comment on this post, or click the link in the sidebar to connect with me. Together, we'll create your individualized wheels of fear and freedom. We'll uncover your Core Fear, and how to use it to your advantage.
Free Group Sessions
Want to learn more about how fear and freedom work together to propel you? Join a Fearless Living book group. It's a once-a-week group phone session that explains the wheels in greater detail. And it's FREE. Connect with me for more information.
How Knowing My Core Fear Put Things Into Perspective
To my amazement, I discovered that my Core Fear is stupid. To this day, I swallow hard when I admit that. I'm not stupid. (And you are not your Core Fear, either!). I've educated myself in many ways through out my life. Community College diploma in Business Administration. Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer. Ontario Nusing Home Administrator Certification. Bachelor of Arts degree. Masters degree in Education. Certified Fearless Living Coach.
I've served on committees. Clubs. Positions of power and prestige. The first female member of our local Rotary Club. City Chairperson for Neighborhood watch. Winner of Public Soeaking Awards. Top Nursing home in our chain of 36 homes. (Twice.)
Yet, though it all, there was always the niggling feeling that I wasn't doing things right. I wasn't good enough. Although I didn't know it at the time, my Core Fear was telling me that if I didn't do more, or better, or wasn't perfect, people would find out my secret: that I was stupid.
Today, when I catch myself in fear mode, I've learned to shift myself from fear to freedom. To recognize my Core Fear is trying to keep me safe. To thank my Core Fear for looking out for me. And to shift to my Wheel of Freedom. To be compassionate with myself. To allow myself to be human. To give myself permission to take risks. To replace 'have-tos' with choices.
You can too. You've got this!
Question: How might your life change if you were able to recognize your Core Fear?
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